As I sat eating my breakfast of runny eggs, toast, and too much tea, I found myself desperately wanting to tweet about my breakfast. Or instagram it. Or put it on facebook. I suddenly realized that sharing what I’d had for breakfast was not a life-changing moment and that no one cared. Let’s be real, I don’t want to know what my best friend had for breakfast, I could call her and find out, but it is not something I give two shits about.
So why did I have this overwhelming desire to share with my internet friends what I had eaten? Would sharing this make my breakfast a more realistic experience? No.
I like to over share on the internet. I do not like to over share in real life. I don’t tell everyone what I did all day while at my brother’s house, and I don’t want to know what someone else did while at their parents’ house. The internet, though, makes me want to share. The internet makes me feel like everyone is just dying to know every last detail about my life. I just know that all my twitter followers wake up each morning with bated breath waiting for me to tweet how many cups of tea I had with my breakfast and what I ate for breakfast and what I read while I ate. The internet makes me think I am more popular than I am. The internet is a great deceiver, like Saruman, only without the forest destruction.
I haven’t tweeted about my meals in a long time, and I felt that tweeting about how happy runny eggs make me in the morning would be just the thing to tweet, instagram, and share with my facebook friends. It is not. I normally get fed up with people who constantly tweet and instagram their every meal. Do these people think that the world will think that they’re starving to death if the whole of the internet doesn’t know what meals and snacks and cocktails they consumed that day? My friends and I have a running joke that if one of us didn’t post a picture of our food that day on instagram then surely that person went hungry that day. Quick, call the eating disorders clinic! We are weird.
It is time to dispense with over sharing our every meal and drink and afternoon quickie, just kidding, totally tweet to the world about the amazing quickie you and your partner just had. I need those to get through my day; it’s good to know someone is getting some. Instead of telling the world, call your parents. They love knowing all about your day, and chances are it will keep them from asking why you aren’t fully employed and how that book of yours is coming.
So, from now on, when I have a need to over share, I’m just going to call my mother. She loves knowing every detail about my life.